This post is for those of you that don’t know me very well, if at all. I’m sure I’ll fail miserably at explaining myself, but I think it’s important to put my backpacking trip into context by telling you a bit about myself. Listen to the music in the video while you read…
What I am NOT: an alpha male, ass kicking, risk taking, outdoor adventuring, take life by the reigns and conquer the world kind of guy.
I am a self described loser. Now, before you start with the “awww no you’re not” crap, let me explain. I’m 39 years old and have NOTHING to show for myself. I’ve been working since I was 18 in a variety of industries. I’ve sold everything from tires to tacos to telephone service to porn. Most of the jobs I had paid fuck-all. But even when I was making good money, I was still broke and mooching off my friends and family. I’ve been fired from nearly every single job I’ve ever had for one reason or another. So in 2005 I started driving a cab. It was perfect for me! I could work whenever I wanted, had no boss to answer to, and the money was good. I developed it into my own business driving a Lincoln Town Car. I did that for nearly five years until on May 28th of 2010, some dipshit asshole kid ran a red light right in front of me, and ruined my life. My car was totaled and I couldn’t recover enough from the insurance companies to get a new car and start my business back up. For the next few months I lived on what I could. Ended up selling just about everything I owned. I tried to get back into the regular cab business again, but the money just wasn’t there anymore. I lost everything, and ended up having to move in with my parents in Gardnerville, NV, far far away from all my friends.
It seems that this always happens to me. Every 3 to 5 years, some stupid shit happens, I lose everything, and I have to start all over again. Well, you know what? I’m fucking sick and tired of constantly starting over again and again and again. I’ve had it with life. At least the life that I was trying to pretend to have. I’ve had it with jobs, employers, corporate ladder climbing, 401k’s, car insurance, living check-to-check, making money and still being poor, and all that other crap that goes with having a “normal and productive” lifestyle. I’ve come to the realization that these things do not work for me. Why should I keep doing the same thing over and over again if it is not working out or not making me happy?
The American Dream is dead and we are attending the Wake.
I’ve been working for nearly 20 years and in all of that time I have taken only TWO vacations. I’m sick and tired of not doing the things that I want to do because I am either too poor or don’t have the time because I have to work too damn much to make a decent wage.
Basically I am at my wit’s end with my life, who I am, and what to do with myself. I need to discover a new definition of freedom and happiness. It’s either this or put a gun in my mouth, and unfortunately, as I’ve said many times, I lack the courage to do the latter.
I suppose I should mention the actual point of inspiration for all of this. I was watching True Grit on tv one night and became envious of the freedom that these characters had. If you didn’t want a house and kids and a job, you didn’t have to. You could live on the land, or even stake a claim on some land. You could just “be”. You could probably get everything you need to sustain yourself for about thirty dollars, including a horse! I imagine that there are very few places left on this planet where one can legally claim a chunk of wild land as their own. And the places that do exist, are most likely frozen tundras, jungle, or desert wasteland. So, while watching this magnificent film I thought to myself how awesome it would be to just get on a horse and go. Go where ever and do whatever. I pondered it for a moment in my head and reckoned “Why not”? Why can’t I just go? I may not be able to get on a horse and ride through open prairies and valleys and canyons, but there’s no reason I can’t load up a backpack and walk the roads.
So, I dunno. I hope you have a better understanding of who I am and why I am doing this. In the meantime, here’s a picture of me when I use to work at Taco Bell.
|I’m the skinny white guy on the right.|